Ahh this should be a fun blog. And when i say fun, i naturally mean I'm in a bitchy lonely depressed mood and I'm going to vent about it. lol so if you were expecting to read about sunshine and rainbows, stop reading now :) lol sighhh i love you guys.
so without going into a lot of details, my father is driving me insane. I literally cringe when he calls me. The last time we spoke i cussed him out on easter and hung up on him. A week or so later i receive a tearful voicemail from him upset about a convo he had with my mother. The next call, he seemed to be in good spirits and asked if i wanted to get lunch next week. And without any warning, he leaves me a voicemail this morning threatening to show up at my job, and he's saying how my mother brain washed me against him and he's going back to alabama etc etc. Same shit, everyday for four years. I'm so fucking over it. I'm only even sharing this much about this situation here because i know I've been in a pissy mood for a few days and i don't want anyone thinking I'm mad about anything else. This shit just rains on my fucking parade.
Next thing that pisses me off. And I'm going to speak in generalities on this issue because i don't want anyone reading this and assuming they know who I'm referring to. You probably don't. lol and if you do, I'm talking about more than one person some of which are not recent situations. So no assumptions please.
I went and saw Something Borrowed yesterday (first mistake) and i got to thinking about an issue that came up in the movie (second mistake. thinking is rarely good) the main female character expresses several times throughout the movie how she wishes she could be someones first choice sometimes. Ohhh how i can relate. lol admittedly i am guilty of leaving men on the back burner as well. But typically i don't seek them out, i will respond if that text me. But i try to avoid using people because it's a shitty thing to do. But anyways we aren't talking about me being the bad guy. lol since this is my blog I'm gonna go on ahead and be the victim here today. It is such a shitty feeling to know someone is only contacting you as a last resort. Or even a second or third choice. Don't blow me off for someone else then contact me later. Fuck off. I'm a nice person, and I'm painfully empathetic. So its hard for me to be angry when i get in those situations. Plus I'm not very angry overall. It's just a shitty feeling.
This is bothering me now for a.few.reasons. I used to be a relationship person for my whole adult life up until about a.year ago. Then i indulged in about a year of single fun. lol judge me if you must, but the past year has been a blast. But there is something sad about no longer being the girl that gets asked out on dates. That the guys only text when they're having problems with the girl they actually like. lol like i said, I'm guilty of this as well. And the reason people's perceptions of me have changed is because I've changed. So I'm willing to accept much of the blame for this. But it is still quite disheartening to not be anyone's first choice. lol ahhh but enough pity partying. its depressing. And you guys don't have to leave me comments saying how awesome i am lol. I know I'm being a bit dramatic. lol
ummm what else, what else. Oh! I'm starting to become overwhelmed with all the problems at the shelter i work at. Now that I've been here for about a year and a half, I'm noticing so many things that are fucked up. And being one of the younger newer employees doesn't exactly put me in a position to change things. It does, however, put me in a perfect position to bitch and be irritated by the shit that sucks at work. So I've been doing a lot of that. Meanwhile, ever so slowly presenting ideas of ways to change things for the better to people who are in positions to change them. People don't like change. And people sure as hell don't like when you insinuate that they aren't doing their jobs. So this is a delicate situation indeed. But its going well. Slow, but well. Baby steps, baby steps :)
Okay my last rant for the day, then i promise i will post a sunshine and rainbows style blog tomorrow. lol because contrary to how this sounds,my life actually doesn't suck. Things are quite good overall.
Last rant! It has been bothering my quite a bit lately that i don't have a place that feels like 'home' anymore. After my parents split a few years ago, neither of their homes feel like home to me anymore because I've never lived there. And i tend to move often and I've had roommates the past 3 or 4 years. And since i work quite a bit and have a strenuous social calendar, i tend to be gone a lot, which leads to me feeling like a guest at best in most of the places ive lived in my adult life. Sighhhhh. Im not sure what to do about it exactly. But its a bit depressing and has been wearing heavily on me for a few years now. And lately, with both my parents moving again very recently its been in the forefront of my mind.
Well that was certainly enough depressing topics for one day! Stay tuned for by next blog, titled 'sunshine, glitter, happiness and rainbows!' which promises to be much more uplifting than this blog was :)
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