Back to "Normal"

Sighhh....

okay i had some crazy freak out moments about a lot of things over the past few weeks. it reminded me of how i was earlier this year, and pretty much had been for the past couple years. really paranoid and anxious and worried, etc. you know, all that fun stuff! and i had been doing so well these past several months at being much more calm and focused and relaxed.

basically i needed to re-read my Dalia Lama books and get some perspective. also, i read this book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" which is an amazing book. it had so many great tips on how to live life. i needed those reminders. i needed to remember how far i've come in achieving that level of thinking and i can't let stressful situations force me into regressing back to that negative depressed girl i had been.

so no more of that! =) everything that is happening right now, even the bad stressful stuff, is going to work out. even if it doesn't work out the way i want it to right now. it's fine. it's so freeing to think like that. it instantly feels like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. my counselor told me today that i seemed really chill today as opposed to my frantic paranoia state i had been in the past couple weeks. and i told her i just was in a total zen type mood. i am doing everything i can to help things work out for me, and now all i have to do is trust that things will work out. so there is no need to worry about anything. i'm doing the best i can. and everything's going to be fine =)

okay, so recapping my life!

i'm not registered for classes this semester, but i'm completing a couple of courses i received incomplete grades in. so i have an awful lot of free time. i added a ton of shifts to my shelter work schedule though, so that'll keep me a bit busier. and i'm going to pay to use the rec center so i can start working out regularly again! i'm excited about that. my body is craving the gym.

my love life is still, nonexistent. lol which is fine. this is another instance of everything will work out the way it is supposed to. so i'm not stressing anymore. i'm not pushing anything. i'm just letting the situations go and trusting it'll work out. a lot has changed with one particular guy, and idk anymore if that is even something i want. but i think i do...but idk. lol but at this point, it matters very little and i'm definitely pursuing other options at this point. but still... idk. lol i may revisit this issue in a separate blog, because i had an extremely insightful counseling session today about men and my relationships and they types of guys i become interested in. it was a great session. i never know if i'm picking guys for the right reasons. and i tend to like guys i shouldn't, ignore ones i should, fight for relationships that aren't worth saving and blow off ones that have potential. lol so basically i need some work in that area. so yay for therapy. i'll get it figured out.

i've been spending very little time on campus lately. if i wasn't a recruitment counselor for sorority recruitment, i would barely be on campus at all. i thought that would bother me. but i am surprisingly okay with it. i could go to campus more and hang out, but i have very little desire to. that's a very good thing. i thought it would be hard for me to let go of that aspect of my life. i still hang out with lots of people from school, obviously. but i'm working on changing the setting that i hang out with them in. so far, so good. it's a work in progress and i think as long as i live in flint, i'll struggle with that. but it's really preventing me from "growing up" in a sense, so i need to get a little better. but not hanging out on campus all day everyday is a HUGE improvement for me.

oh and speaking of "growing up" lol my mom helped me make a budget so i don't waste so much money. which is very important, especially now that my paychecks from the shelter will be almost doubled. the more money i make, the more money i tend to waste. lol so i need to get a system into place where i'm not so wasteful with money. the budget is quite useful and it's working so far! =) we'll see how long this keeps up, haha.

umm yeah. that's about it. life is not nearly as exciting as it was in the summer. i heard brad paisley's song, "water" on the radio today and it made me miss summer =( but fall is my favorite season. so i'm very excited about apple orchards, football games, pumpkin patches, my birthday, haunted houses and all the great things that come along with this fabulous season!

i will gather my thoughts on relationships and will likely blog about that very soon. lol like i said, i had a very insightful therapy session today. lol but i'm still working some things over regarding that topic. once i get it together and can organize my thoughts, i will have a new blog =)