So idk where my pity partying has come from the past couple weeks, but i'm over it! i somehow forgot that i'm a bad ass...so no more of that. once i remembered that, i felt about a million times better.
okay, so here's a summary of what's been going through my head. it can best be described by this quote i found on my wonderful quotation app on my phone, lol
"In her first passion, a woman loves her lover, in all the others all she loves is love."
Well when i first read that i thought, "noooo that isn't true at all!" and i know it isn't all the way true still. but the more i think about it, and apply it to my experiences, the more sense it makes.
i legitimately LOVED my first serious boyfriend (my ex that i used to live with) and i've THOUGHT that i've loved other boyfriends after that. but let's be honest...most of my relationships the past few years have been a joke. like, for real. a joke. there have been things that i've liked about all the boyfriends i've had. but in reality, i like being in love more than i've actually liked them i think. none of them have been good fits for me. and i get sooo devastated when a relationship ends (even though in ALL three of my past relationships, i thought extensively about ending it before it actually ended...prolly cuz i knew it wasn't right) because i LOVE being in a relationship.
And despite contrary belief, I'm a good girlfriend. And if i wasn't a good girlfriend, it's cuz the guy didn't treat me well. I haven't dated any guys that were jerks, so that's not what i'm saying. but seriously...here's a bit of advice to guys (and girls too, i know both genders do this!)
If you KNOW you don't want to be with someone, DO NOT lead them on! That means, no post break up sex, no texting, no saying you still have feelings for them. If you were the one that ended it, then be a man and let it END! lol
Now! I know what people will say. "well she texted me first" "well she was okay with it being just sex" "well i was confused and didn't know what i wanted"
No, no, no, no, no!!! OF COURSE the person that still wants to be together is trying to contact the person that did the ending of the relationship! LOL they want you back, duh!!! And I've been in situations(and VERY recently) where i've had sex with an ex. actually...i think i've had sex with all my exes after the break up. and it is NEVER just sex with an ex. at least not for most people. unless its a looong time after the break up and BOTH people are over the break up. but other than that...it's not just sex. it's a way for one person to cling to anything they can from the relationship. and even if they say they aren't...they are.
So please people! Be sensitive to that! Because anytime i've ever been crazy bitch ex girlfriend (and we all know that i have! i'm not proud of it, but it has happened) it has ALWAYS been as a result of this EXACT situation. Do not drag me along or string me along after you decide you don't want me! I don't care if you don't know what you want. I don't care if the sex is good. I don't care if you have unresolved feelings. I don't care if you don't want anyone else to have me. If you're done, then BE DONE. Because it is VERY confusing for the other person to have to try to decode what is going on. And when emotions are involved, the outcome is never good. My crazy-bitchnesss, has always always always been during one of these "on again, off again" time periods with an ex. While i'm in a relationship, i'm a great girlfriend. when a relationship is clearly over, i'm a good ex. but i am no good in that in between stage, and i don't think anyone should expect me to be.
Now, clearly i am very much speaking from experience, lol. But i have seen this SO much among my friends as well. It sucks. Because i just want to shake both members of the "relationship" i want to tell the breaker-upper, "Leave them alone so they can heal! Under no circumstances let them think there is a chance for reconciliation if there isnt! " and i want to tell the person that got broke up with "Don't mistake sex for feelings! don't take every single contact as a sign that you'll get back together!" I've been on both sides of this fence. and neither place is a good place to be.
So how did i come to all these realizations? well, like i said at the beginning of this blog. I remembered that i am a bad ass! and seriously, if a guy is going to play games, and string me along, he is NOT worth my time. And probably never was to begin with. So i need to get out of love with love and continue being a bad ass. Even though i am DEFINITELY not looking for a boyfriend right now, I can still have fun.
And despite the fact that i am not very happy with my appearance these days, i still fucking ROCKED my little black dress at churchills last thursday. i danced all night, had guys buying me drinks, got a few guys phone numbers, and got hit on allll night. so with that kind of male attention all around me, why would i want to be wasting my time on someone that plays games? yeeeah. i don't. if i guy doesn't want me, then it's totally his loss. i've had exes who months (or longer!) after a break up still weren't over me. and i'm not giving them a second thought. Despite the fact i'm still working out a lot of issues, i'm a good catch. So after realizing all that i felt about a million times better. sighhhh =) back to normal. a little cocky...yes. but it was necessary. lol and after feeling used and like shit for months, i'd say it feels good to be a little cocky and to finally feel like i'm over things.
Yup, I'm pretty damn bad ass ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment