so basically I'm really stressed. but somehow I am managing to stay really positive and happy despite everything that's going on. I don't feel like everything is wrong, even though things are pretty damn bad lol. I guess that's a good thing. I'm not falling apart even though everything around me is seeming to be.
Yeeeah things are pretty bad lol. I'm not registered for classes yet cuz I have like two holds on my acct. so that sucks really bad. I just need to retake some classes too. So this should be an easy semester but it's turned into a huge pain in the ass. I'm trying to stay positive and believe that everything will work out. And actually, it just might :) I've got lots of help from different people in the university so that is amazing.
Umm what else... Well I'm super broke. Which is my own damn fault, but sucky nonetheless. My mom helped me write a budget for the next couple months though, so that was really helpful! :) I def need help getting organized. My phone has been off for like a week. blah. so that sucks but it's a little nice sometimes, lol. not gonna lie. it's inconvienent, yes. but every once in awhile I need a break from my phone.
I'm not sure how I'm feeling physically or mentally. I am literally craving the gym. Like, i NEED to go. I'm really unhappy with my weight lately and just want to work out. Plus i've been noticing that my depression is reappearing occasionally. and that is NOT gonna happen again. lol like it's not even an option. at least I'm getting better at recognizing it. and when I get all anxious and stuff, I just want to go running. lol i was running a couple weeks ago, but didn't at all last week. ugh. I neeeeed to go though. So I'm a bit disappointed in myself for dropping the ball on that. Blah.
I still have no love life lol. That's been pretty consistant throughout the summer, and that is following me into the fall. It's okay...but it's a bit harder to deal with now. I don't know what I want or what to do. I think I know, then something always changes. Blah. It's impossible. I'm just going to do mostly nothing. lol but it's hard when you care about someone.
then to top it off, I've had a few encounters with guys from my past. and other guys have expressed interest in me. and it honestly has just gotten quite overwhelming. My commitment phobia has been out of control lately. My first thought is always like a fight or flight response. A guy tells me he's interested, and I just wanna flee the scene. or I experience some level of nausea. hahaha. that is not normal. lol i think that with the right guy I wouldn't worry so much, so I'm not letting it freak me out. it'll be fine. but now it sucks. because I have had a great time being single, but I think I'm growing a bit tired of it. and I'm pretty sure I have some pretty strong feelings for someone. I'm not entirely sure what those feelings mean, or if I'm having them for the right reasons or not. but I'm pretty sure they're there. and I have no idea what to do. I think I've done and said everything I can at this point. So it's likely I will do nothing. But idk. Im pretty mixed up right now. I think I'll do mostly nothing for a month or so. Get my school stuff on track, get back into the gym, do some meditating and writing and just clear my mind. and then revist this whole thing. blah. we'll see.
lol ahhh sometimes I feel like my blogs don't make sense to anyone but me. I'm always so scattered and rarely use any real details. sometimes I wonder why I bother. hmmm. I do not know. i really do enjoy writing. and like I said, I write a lot, even though I don't publish a lot of it.
So yeah. I feel like everything is going to work out. I really do. 2010 has been a great year for me. And I don't think it's going to let me down at the end. Fall is my favorite season and I just know it's gonna bring me good things :) I am very optimisitic.
I feel like I'll be blogging again very soon. There is just so much going on. Also, I've been writing poems and stuff again so I may or may not post some of that. Hmmm we'll see. lol
Love you friends <3
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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