Unsettled :/

So I'm in a very odd mood today. I'm not exactly sad. I'm definitely not mad or upset about anything. I'm just not content for some reason. I'm not entirely sure what's going on. Hmmm. I woke up feeling a little sad, then decided that I wanted to have a good day, lol. So i made a good breakfast, watched some country music videos and did some yoga. Then i felt about a million times better. But I still feel oddly...unsettled? maybe? I don't know.

I'm excited for this week though. I need to get my mind off some things. I can tell it's been too long since I've been on a vacation. I really need to get away for awhile. Camping this weekend will be nice and relaxing. And i'll be crazy drunk, which will also get my mind off of things. Or make thoughts worse...hmmm. lol well hopefully it will get my mind off things! I'll still need a legit vacation soon though.

I guess I just don't know what to do about a lot of things. School, work, guys. So I'm constantly analyzing and re-analyzing every single aspect of my life. Which is good in a way because typically i am quite impulsive and don't think things through all the way before i make a decision, lol. But on the other hand...I'm slowly driving myself insane with the constant questioning of things. Ugh. And everything is going so well in my life right now, that there is really no need for me to be worrying about much of anything.

Ok...I know that things work out the way they are supposed to and that even if something seems like a mistake or a bad thing now, it can lead to something good later on. I know this for a fact, because I've lived this haha. The old "good things fall apart so better things can fall together" thing. Been there. And I believe in fate (in a way) and karma and that everything happens for a reason and that good things happen to good people and blah blah all that inspirational stuff that people always say. I really do believe that, even though I'm kinda knocking it right now. But I think it's because it makes me feel a bit powerless in a way. Things don't just happen to people. You have to make things happen. Yes, I do believe that things work out in the end. But I guess I'm at a point in my life where the decisions I make now will could have huge implications for my future. So there's a lot of "what if-ing" going on in my mind.

Yet I truly don't have any big regrets about anything that has happened in my life. Because all of my experiences (even the bad ones...actually...especially the bad experiences) have shaped me into the person that I am today. and i have grown into a person that i am quite happy being =) so i wouldn't trade anything. but...

Ohhh but the inevitable "what if" that seems to keep haunting me. Sometimes I wish I could go back, knowing what i know now and being the person that i am now, and redo some things. lol. because i'm just in such a weird place. I'm not going into much detail on the specifics of what my dilemmas are, because the details arent really necessary. I'm mostly just writing to try to sort things out for myself I guess.

I suppose my main question is: how do you know if something is worth fighting for, or hanging onto, and when it's time to move on? this sounds like a relationshippy topic, but it really isn't just limited to that. it actually applies to quite a few areas of my life right now. and i feel like if i make the "wrong" decision, i will regret it. ughhh. hence why i am extremely unsettled lately. i have an idea of what i want out of my life. but i don't have the resources and the facts and the maturity to necessarily make all that happen right now. sooo what do i do now? my verdict, is i am going to just keep doing what i'm doing for now. lol and not force anything. But i think I'm gearing up to take action on somethings. Sigh.

Like I said in my last blog, I've been a "grown up" for quite some time as far as appearances go. Paying bills, being moved out, having a job etc. But this part of growing up has proven to be a lot more difficult. I am not a fan as of right now. Extremely unsettled.

Off to ponder some things (ponder? obsess? overanalyze? whatev) and i'll blog more later or tomorrow.