also: DISCLAIMER! i am not claiming to be a "nice girl" lol whatever people define as a nice girl or a nice guy. i have definitely done my share of dabbling in crazy bitch territory, which i'll talk about here as well.
i started thinking about this a few weeks ago. i was sitting at the kitchen table at the shelter, talking to a few residents about relationships. one of the girls was talking about her last couple boyfriends, and to be blunt, they all sounded like a bunch of losers. she said she just wants to meet a nice guy and have someone who treats her well. i said something to the effect of, "sigh don't we all!" then i as i heard myself making that statement i thought...wait, do we? lol how many of us have nice girls and guys locked up in the friend zone that would probably be amazing significant others if we gave them half a chance?
so everyone always gets all up in arms about the "nice guys finish last" phenomenon. but what about nice girls? do you guys think they finish last? how many absolutely crazy ass bitches do you know that have some poor guy wrapped around her bitchy little finger?
like i said, i have dabbled in the crazy bitch category. in my defense, it is typically after a night of too many whiskey and cokes or after a franzia power hour (yeah...how many of you were there THAT night? lol crazy bitch shawntae at her finest...) but i know some people that are honestly insane in relationships. i know girls that have their guys on such a tight leash that it's a wonder they can breath. even at my worst, i've never been that bad. i mean, sure, i've thrown a wine glass at a guy before and enjoyed the sound of it exploding into the wall behind him. but who hasn't people? who hasn't.
the thing that gets me, is that so many guys have not only heard of some of my crazy bitch antics, but have witnessed them....but then the guys still try to talk to me. lol ohh what is it about seeing a girl hurl a cup full of booze at her ex at a party while drunkenly sobbing hysterically that makes every other guy in the room say, "Damn...dibs." lol now this sounds exaggerated. and i'm sure that's not exactly how it plays out. but it definitely happens in some fashion.
my theory is that people associate "nice" guys and girls with being boring. and a pushover. and god forbit we have a boring relationship. ohhh no. if i've learned nothing from Days of Our Lives and The Bachelor, it's that a real relationship is PASSIONATE. Right? I mean, television wouldn't steer me wrong. Happy Ever Afters from Disney movies are fine and dandy and all. but we all know that shit isn't realistic. I can't make that happen. but damn it, i can spin some drama that will end with my guy screaming in my face while i bawl my eyes out, then we passionately make love on someone else's bed. (true story) yeah fairy tales are for kids. this soap opera shit. THAT'S real life.
Why are we so addicted to drama? Is it because 60 something percent of us have parents that are divorced, which means we probably grew up being witnesses to at least some level of relationship drama? Are we so turned off by being potentially bored that we can't be content with a nice calm, wine glass throwing free relationship? Why do women love bad boys? Why the hell do men love crazy bitches??
Is it a physical thing? Are people who are good looking more prone to being a little crazy? Just because maybe they think they can get away with it? lol if you watch How I Met Your Mother, think of Barney's Hot/Crazy scale. lol basically he says if you are a certain level of hot, you can be the corresponding amount of crazy. is that true? are we that shallow? lol are maybe people who are a little crazy better in bed? i have been known to say that good passion and bad passion are flip sides of the same coin. now...obviously i say that because it's an excuse for my craziness. lol but is that true? do we need that drama and passion to spice up our lives? can a crazy bitch get down in bed in ways that a nice, pushover girl can't even begin to pull off?
And why do we associate nice with being a pushover? There may be a bit of truth to this. maybe. I know that i always worry that because i have a bit of a strong personality, that a "nice" guy won't be able to handle me. i need someone to keep me in line, i say, when i'm telling friends why i can't possibly date whichever nice guy i'm turning away at the time. he'd let me walk all over him and i don't want that. i've actually heard that a lot. i know girls and guys who do, to a certain extent, let their significant others walk all over them. and i've seen it play out in a variety of ways. a lot of times, the more passive partner gets resentful in a way and becomes frustrated with assertive partner. i've given advice to passive friends along the lines of, you should be a bit more, bitchy, sassy, unavailable, etc, etc. that'll make him/her shape up. lol as if i should be giving dating advice to anyone, right? lol but the scary thing is that sometimes...those things work. being a bit of a crazy bitch can totally pay off. then once you've got that little taste of power, it's easy to get addicted. i think that's what happened to me. i used to be a "nice" girl. i really did.
And even though I'm not really a nice girl anymore, I know some super sweet, kind, generous, caring girls that cannot keep a boyfriend to save their lives. And i know dozens of equally nice guys that strike out in the dating department. is it because instead of looking for other "nice" people, they're all indulging in their own soap opera fantasies by only seeking out bad boys or crazy bitches? are we just meant to match up that way? when i used to be a nice girl, i dated a nice guy. our life was very nice. routine. drama free. loving and fun. but routine and drama free nonetheless. sooo...what the fuck is wrong with that? why on earth do i scoff at a nice guy and gently sweep him into the friend zone and lust after the baddest bad boys i can find? a few years ago, i had a friend warn me about a guy that liked me. she actually said, beware of his charm. did i listen? nooo.... and that man is the inspiration behind probably about 95% of my blogs from 2009. lol but i was ADDICTED to it and him. like i craved it. i craved the drama. i wrote a poem about it once ( i believe i posted it after i found it a month or so ago. it's titled "addicted" lol yes i was a creative little thing in 2009 lol) but i was. i was completely hooked.
and now, even though i broke free of that addiction, i still somehow need some level of drama. i don't think i could muster up enough negative emotion anymore to hurl glassware at anyone anymore (thank you meditation and therapy!) and it's been a couple years at least since i've angrily thrown my phone in the street after an unpleasant conversation. so hopefully those ships have sailed. but i still like the drama a little. i like the bad boy. and lucky for me, i'm just enough of a crazy bitch that the guys like me too ;)
wow, so basically all i've concluded is that we are all fucked up. lol
Oh my gosh. I love this. You are SO right on! There have been times in my life when I'm the crazy one and I want some sort of nice guy and other times where I'm like, chasing after these jerk guys that I should never even want in the first place? We sat and mocked Ashley for wanting to be with Bentley...but we've all been charmed by someone who everyone else thought was an asshole. I think we almost see drama as the "norm" and if nothing like that is going on, than something must be wrong with us.
ReplyDeleteI love you oh wise best friend :)
P.S. OOOOOH the irony that I commented through livejournal....where my photo is STILL one of me and Mr. Bachman...lol
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